How to handle rejection

Tonight as I sit typing by candle light (not to save power, but seeking some quite, uninterrupted solitude) I reflect on the past few days.

I seem to be focused on the past and dwelling on the "poor" results and rejection since my redundancy back almost 4 weeks ago.

I have reflected on what service I can do for God, in what areas, and also how can I better serve thee Lord ?

I have commented on stress and now know that it is not only effecting me, but Nat as well. Anxiety for both of us is playing a horrible part in our lives and we are only 4 weeks in. I hesitate to comment but, the devil is having a field day - or so it seems - with both of us at present.

I have been trying to make sense in everything that has happened over the past 18 months - the reasons why we are where we are at today - I have no answers !

I was reminded this week that I made a "half hearted" decision to "serve" in some capacity within the Salvation Army and whilst there may be still a slim chance, I am not sure how, what, where or when. It's easy to sit back and say "because I'm a Salvo - you should employ me", but how committed to God am I ? My commitment to the Salvation Army has been very strong - even through some "interesting" times several years ago, but I never stopped going and I never ceased my commitment to the Salvation Army.

See the problem !!

Where is my commitment to God ? Have I really had a "real"relationship with him ? Have I given up my all to follow - just to do my Masters will ? Probably not.

My daily readings have been a great help through out the past several months.

"in every trouble we should first seek to realize Gods presence with us. Only let us enjoy his smile and we can bear our daily cross with a willing heart for his dear sake"

How easy it is to pass the blame onto God and accuse him of letting us down. I have done this many times and even over the past several months have questions God's involvement in my life.

"Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God himself.

Well, tonight will require some time on my knees to reassess my relationship with God. I'm not expecting that God will grant my every want, but I will need some reassurance that he will provide all my (and Nat, Imogen, Maddison and Willow's) needs.

Lord I am praying for you to meet my need and I will continue to pray for some service advice too..

Strength for my weakness, Lord, impart;
Sight for my blindness give to me;
Faith for my doubting, Lord, I would crave,
That I may serve thee worthily.

Here at the cross at this sacred hour,
Here at the source of reviving power,
Helpless indeed, I come with my need;
Lord, for thy service, fit me I plead.

Bramwell Coles SASB 488